loving it

Lily Sweeny cried her eyes out when I left my last day of work. I won't make much money but I'm loved a shit ton more than anyone working in some cubicle.


Parting with my babies was just as difficult as I anticipated. With my tendency to getting attached to people, it's only obbvious that I'd be in tears walking away from my internships gates. Well it's going to hurt when you got your heart on your sleeve. I'm only asking for it.


I've learned so much during my time here in Australia, but it's difficult to paint it all out in text. My mind doesn't work that way. Oh well, it'll show up for sure in conversation. I find  it mroe and more difficult to write out everything in my head.


In this phase of indecisiveness when it comes to career paths. It comforts me to know that so long as I'm in the company of children, I'm doing SOMETHING RIGHT.

to the ends of the earth

One thing I decided I must do while in Australia is snorkel the Great Barrier Reef, it was so much more than I'd ever imagine. My words alone won't accurately describe the emotions, the sounds, and the sights I had while underwater.


Being a very safe player in the game of life, constantly trapped in the cookie cutter world of ann vu's, I'd been very naive about the world. I'd always figured that if I just go through the regular milestones of life that I'll just grow and that's it. My experience over here has made me realize that I have a responsibility to reach for opportunities, explore and quit lying around waiting for life to happen to me. If I hadn't chosen to hop on a plane and see this part of the world, I would have missed out on so much.

on a lighter note...

I'm going to dump everything I have into this blog with promises that it will end nicely. I have this notorious habit of harboring all my feelings ( mostly the negative ones) in my head until I can't take it anymore and cry rivers into my pillow. Well two months of whatever and how little of an irritation I experienced was enough. The urge to cry is similar to hunger, can't suppress it and the more you do the more you tend to binge later. I had a few episodes of self pitying tears throughout the three days of my weekend ( so glad it's conveniently over the days I'm not working or in class) and I feel sooo much better.

I'm still not sure what would be better. Addressing and confronting everyone about my minor peeves or saving it up for a sudden firework show in my head. I've always been the one to gather it all up and dump it when necessary. I don't like causing problems, and I hate being that person who openly has problems with everything ( I much rather hide it, but for my sake? or for others? not quite sure yet)

Another reason why this little phase didn't surprise me was because it's always bothered me ( with everyone) This is when I realize ( well I've always known) but this is when I'm flat out shown that I'm totally the source of the problem. which sucks cuz then it'll be an issue wherever i go. My passiveness or i dont know what other term to use but it's my tendency to be too easy going. It never bothers me until i come to the realization that I haven't been doing anything on my own agenda and have become just a shadow companion for someone else. it's a little thing, till you find that there's only 6 measly weeks left of the trip, three of which will not be spent in Sydney. Not only that but I was also coming down with a cold which wouldn't phase me the slightest if I hadn't already dispensed all the medicine my mama so thoughtfully packed for me. Sigh negatives always come in sequences don't they.

Well the good news is, what comes down will always come back up. I'd decided that Halloween was not going to be celebrated this year ( like a real Australian) and rebuild my spirit up from what was left of it. I started my sunday morning with starbucks ( little home comforts like these are taken only under extreme measures, i'm here to experience NEW things) for the sake of my condition starbucks is a must. I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love and for a girl who likes to go out and eat like I do, the time she spent in Italy ( the EAT portion of the book) was of the least interest. It wasn't until she started really praying that I couldn't put it down.

ahh theres never enough time to finish and i apologize to those who actually read this...everything seems to be all over the place.

well rightfully so, its a window into my mess of a mind and tangle of thoughts. I'll finish...eventually. promise.

okay...sigh I hate having to stop in the middle, this is my third long intermission.

Okay, so reading..yes I read before church, and during church uhmm same old except the homily's don't speak to me. It's like the teacher in Charlie Brown wah wah wah. I was so used to great homily's done back every sunday at home and this just doesn't seem to cut it. Think, it's hard to be more personable when you've got a cathedral of regulars and tourists. So, nope didn't speak to me, but that's alright I had more to say this time anyhow. Ahhh i feel like this is really important although I no longer have the urge to blog it.

Here it all goes fast forwarded...
I went to David Jones which is pretty much Bloomingdales of Australia but more expensive cuz they have to import anything American inspired. I walk in on a mission for a lipstick shade ( can't hurt to switch off a new color and my regular pink pink) but I was distracted by a pianist playing with his eyes shut on a baby grand piano. Just as I was asking for one to play with, God has me watch someone else play...lol mysterious ways he works. But the man noticed that I was no longer shopping and there just to listen to him play and asked if I had any requests...DO I EVER? lol Only three requests and anyone who really knows me could guess at least 2/3rds of what I asked for. I felt that right there I was being kind of restored to my own cheery self. It was like a blanket of calmness back in and I didn't feel like everything was wrong anymore. I honestly didn't give a damn. This would have been a lot better if I had access whenever I felt the urge to write. Oh well. Can't win them all. It's a preventative measure that ensures that I don't spend my entire trip scoping the internet lol.