restless

Sure, I can enjoy doing nothing, but at some point I have to start doing something. Having pointless stay in the house days makes my nights feel a lot longer than they really are. I feel like my mind is going to implode at the level of frustration I'm experiencing as everyone goes about their own lives like normal and I bum around at home.

The roads are shit and my driving skills? wouldn't even know. cuz i haven't even been behind the wheel. why? because my parents have reclaimed their puppet strings and decided that i'm just not ready. heck, lets dump my car and forget it because waiting to get behind the car would ensure that one day i will be ready..? huh sure.

FINDING A JOB

The usual places one would expect has a constant turnover of employees have at least three copies of my applications, each. So jobless and broke for the holidays is not the kinda swagger i like to roll with. It's quite aggravating. Sure, while everyone is busy they say that I'm the lucky one without the stress of responsibilities and whatnot, well when sleep is all their is to do, it aint that amazin.


bit rocky in the world of vu.

these four walls.

Minnesota has welcomed me home warmly despite the bone chilling ( although i hear this is quite tame) weather outside. The reactions of everyone who have finally seen me again really warm my heart. Since when has one really seen other's appreciation for their presence? Sad that you really have to be gone for a while to really get it, but since i've got it, watch me bask in the glory of my return.

To be honest, being back is a bit strange. Minnesota is certainly not in the state that I had left it and neither am I. I'm not going to glide back into the little life I had prior to leaving, so how do we modify everything to finally fit? WHO KNOWS. My parents' tight grasp on my shackles is not sitting well with me, especially since I've been without for so long. the fun can't be over just because I'm back home, the definition of my life wasn't those last three months, the 'living' i did certainly doesn't end past Australia's borders.

Other than that, I LOVE BEING BACK. My friends and family really do need me and I'm readily eager to help in any way possible. The loving company I've always loved and found comfort in is back in my life, it's quite refreshing to snuggle back up to what i've adored and consider safe. The catching up we've been doing these last few days reminds me of the void I'd felt in my low times in Sydney.

I can't help but feel as if the last few months are just a figment of my imagination. The sights, sounds, emotions, and thoiughts of Australia can only be visualized in my head and expressed through my words. All i want to do is to take my loves and run them through the course of my experience. that's the kinda sharing that's necessary to fully understand all this.

I'm here back in my room, laptop as my cuddle buddy once again, yet I'm restless. These four walls of comfort aren't going to cut it, a lot of my days were wasted in here, wallowing at what I wasn't satisfied with and burying myself into the world wide web. My room will be a place of refuge. Not the setting of my life.

changed? you could say that.

ready for it? lol for a change, as a matter of fact, I am.

homeward bound

I haven't updated in about two weeks, in which i'd gone on two more trips and futher explored Sydney. I'll update afterwards once i can upload the pictures.

I'm currently on my flight to the twin cities and with whatever battery life I have left, I'll jot down my final thoughts.

I haven't been doing much outloud reflection because I honestly hadn't been in the greatest of spirits post capa program. Australia simply wasn't the same without the people it all began with. Despite that, my last two weeks of exploration were quite successful. I was able to eat at my favorite places one last time, shop til I dropped-a few hundred bucks- on randoms that are to be christmas gifts for my loves, and simply take in all my favorite sights one more time.


I've changed quite a bit from the ann that originally bawled her eyes out at the brighten beach novotel the first day. I feel like that little naive ann, the one who'd never been away from mama, was still curled up in that hotel room when I saw it from above. I don't feel like I relate to her anymore, which was the precisely the point of why I needed this.

One really important thing I've learned was that location has little meaning. Sure, Sydney is a place I relate my great experiences too, but leaving doesn't make a difference. They'll still be there, what really matters is the people I meet. I honestly stopped missing America, I didn't care Australia had enough to offer that America was just the place where I lived, got my distinctive accent, but there was no sentimental meaning attached to it anymore. It's the people.  I'm going home to my family and friends. That's what I want to go back to, because honestly, I love the sights, but if I don't get to see my Aussie loves again, I wouldn't care to turn around.


my thoughts are clogged up in a tangle and I can't seem to spew out any thoughts, quite rare I must say, but its alright, I'll check back in once i'm all settled back HOME.